filled with places i can’t reach.

I feel sad:( . Mr. Bridge Maker if you’re reading this, you KNOW who you are, you’ve been like the ” Hmm… this happened to me today I’m gonna call him otw home” person for so long that without it well to quote Bella (just cause it’s so lame and annoying and well ridiculously amusing), “It’s like a huge hole’s been punched into my.. heart? body?” Heck it. But seriously. make contact k? I miss you/ enuff said.

On a more jovial note, christmas is coming. Well doesn’t feel that christmassy actually… so that was a pathetic attempt and making this light and happy heh?

Just heard chris daughtry’s version of poker face. Ohman awesome. Gotta be that bald head dude, does wonders for this indian chick.

Basically everyone’s overseas now and I kinda like it cause I’m waaay too busy to bother. But still ohsojealous. Anywho on the side of job searching pls note the following:

1. Getting drunk is apparently rudimentary for a job at I-won,t-say-the-name-lest-I-get-sued-over-the-internet.

2.I haven’t gotten any news on YWAM dude. Banana man! I want to do somthing back for humanity pleeeeaassee?

 I want to say something but like noone would get it at all. But HEY! No one reads this shit so i’m good to go. I can’t figure alot of stuff out right now and it scares me that I’m so lost when I should have half the world figured out by now(right. i’m totally exaggerating) Still. It scares me and this time next year if I’m still bumming round at home well that wouldn’t be much of a life lived would it? I want to travel  now and become well, bordering on alcoholic and I need money. URGH. I’ve never complained you know just admitted my state of wealth and learned to live within my means but now I’m  really pissed off that I can’t just say I wanna go switzerland and well, just go! You know without money or any kinda benefit that comes with money you better have something right? Goodlooks/charm/intelligence/or some talent, at least. well Big Guy thanks for the huge cosmic joke cause I sure as hell ain’t got any of those things and I don’t see money coming out from my ears.

Whatever, this is bodering on angst and I’m way too old for that.

it’s sealed.

just once.

Love so amazing, so divine.
Demands my soul, love demands my soul
My life. My all.

I’m sorry.

if there’s somebody calling me on, she’s the one.

I’ll miss you but gtg do the whole guaranteeing a normal future thing.

Seeya in a bit.

…We were one
We were free

a dollar tucked inside my shoe.

Struggling to focus while studying at my table. Hate econs so much its filled with words and terms tt I’m soo not familiar with. Then, on the radio came on my fave song: Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell. Ahh.. It was so nice and comforting as if the universe was looking out for me y’know a gentle pat on my shoulder, someone trying to tell me to hang in there.

Somehow though I want to have stronger faith the little I have is peppered with doubts so overwhelming they cloud any form of trust or hope that’s left. I know he IS love but well there’ll always be buts for me- always:)

being capable.

You see it means so much more when someone as imperfect or probably more ,for a fact,  is capable of loving another equal – a human. Maybe that’s why I glaze over stuff like ‘God loves you’. Sure its great and everything but when sb else as selfish, undeserving and daringly narcissistic begins to share what is a remote semblence of anything vaguely representative of love it just means THAT much more. ‘As humans we are drawn to one another incapable of surviving alone’, people seem to believe. Then why is it that so many times in a single day I wonder how to run and rid myself of these clingy disease ridden people? I’m not alone in my struggle so many others share my sentiment. and for exactly that same reason when we are capable of love it reveals so much more.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel

- Mark Twain

 

Sure, but we’re the only ones capable of true love too/

when all is said and done.

I love my friends. You know I hate calling them classmates cause its such a reduction they’re so much more than that. It’s not that I dont wanna squish they’re heads sometimes tell fong dont be so competitive tell singh dont call me stupid bitch:( tell steph hide yr inner bitch better and nah aiyah nah ohmygod just plain weird esp when you make me feel guilty for like being notso christian.

But above it all in ways I dnt think they’ll ever understand they’ve really changed parts of my life aiyah. Thks for tolerating my weird/skin/hair/laughter aiyah everything la huh.

Cant WAIT for bali. Its gonna be so aweeeeesssssssooooome. And not forgetting the boys they’re nice insideinside. Even damien. HAHA. And neeraj SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTTTTTEEE.

HATE STUPID A’S.

when the dust settles.

when all is said and done was it worth it? The time and effort spent and harvested just to see all is put to waste. Every little second cast aside for the search of sthng far more riveting. No really make me believe.

you lack.

You know those people who pretend to empathise with you over yr bad results/fam probs/terrible feelings whatever bad stuff just cause they’ve experienced one tenth of what they not even know but merely THINK you’re going through. Hate it- with a vengeance. Wanna puke on it run 5 cars over it and smash it all over acne. Pussful acne.

Sometimes I wonder how people can be so freakishly cruel with evil that just shines thru their eyes. Where they abducted by aliens and tranfused with blood from ol’ boy hitler? Were they trained by khemer rouge? Tell me! These are one of life’s mysteries I really want solved NOW.

just screw it.

that’s what mj should hv named his song cause that’s exactly how I feel. I’m beginning to think that this world’s like way more messed up than it’ll ever be and I want out NOW, I’m not gonna do the whole smiling shit and happy freakness and I don’t give a damn, angsty, emo call it whatever you want cause what you think doesn’t even hold any ground in the world, anyway
People? I’m sorry what people. Who the hell are these empty shells void of emotion or comfort or anything remotely genuine that doesn’t even resemble humanlife. I’m sorry but what exactly IS so interesting in outerspace that you hv to go there and mess it up too with the crippling hand of what it means to be “human”. Pfft. I don’t get it. I don’t think I ever do. But I know one thing that has never been clearer, you know the clarity that comes after listening to an oldie that’s what I’m talking bout, I want out and I want it now, cause really- screw it.