pretense.

I am so glad and happy right now! HAHA. Life is just SO great and wonderful. Maybe the whole world could just hang out and go on and on about the greatness of life and all it brings, after all you’ve got one life live it right? Absolutely LOVE cheering esp. at camps and playing ever so fun gmes that just get my adrenalin pumping. OH.OH. Y’know what’s my favourite? Hanging out with people. I just adore talking and just chilling with friends, just makes my day. If only I could do this everyday y’know if ONLY there was a place where I could just spend the whole day learning a bunch of stuff that will be of utmost importance to me in the future. Hmmm… Maybe I should go there tomorrow. What fun I could have! Absolute YAYNESS.

perception.

I realize life is all about perception. Starting to fall behind a tad in school work but am aiming to use both friday and saturday to catch up. Realise I have so little of me left that I’ve started to feed off things like convos, muderous thoughts, GLAMOUR. Yesyes I realise the extent of my pathetic-ness. I am never going to chnage. I swear if I could only change my incessant procrastination and lack of faith in certain things and my weird schizo now and then I would love me. But hey, no one’s perfect so the least you expect is Ms. Dora to be the example of perfection. I also realised something I am highly disentisized. I’ve thought seriously about killing things and people and whatever and have realised that the idea does not scare the heck out of me or anything like that. In fact I almost drew a matrix table out of it to discuss the various aspects (but didn’t) and have come to the conclusion that I am so emotionally incapable of caring about people that I simply don’t care anymore. Just so void of feelings and caring and every single emotion is replaced by anger at its purest form. JUNO was written by an ex-stripper she claimed it was because her family supported her despite her screwed up state. AMAZING! I however don’t need support I can do things on my own, I think.

Oh well, let’s leave the problems of the world to those who truely have no inkling what else to do and to those who have PIs and what not we’ll do just that.

something deeper.

Some days when we sit and watch life pass us by, we are brought to tears. Thinking simply about the dreams. Shattered. These tears don’t come as a shock but a long awaited arrival. A sense of relief. Something lifted off our shoulders. But it doesn’t last. For tears no londer bring us comfort but pain. More so when the tears are dried and all is said to be well. We then choose to hope, hope for comfort in the words of a friend. A special peice of faith stored specially for us. But words are just words. They are unable to lift us out of what we are in, the depths of which unknown. So in the blur of activity we call out to the nothingness. Perhaps toward something greater. But the pain, the uncertainty it always returns. Even in a supposed haven a place safe from the troubles of the world. The protection a myth, for there we are as vulerable as we came. Leaving the same. Unchanged.

so little time so much to do.

I have DAMN a lot of homework to do.

DAMNa lot of reading things to catch up on.

DAMN a lot of studying to do.

Yet I’m sitting here in my fake sajc shirt (i know SO loser right?) and eating ketjas. Yes srija, ketJas.

I kinda miss weird people like josef. I was listening to his “emo is lame” it is rather weird (which is my new favourite word now) and he is so weird and random but freaking hilarious. And his weird oohing and ahhing in the background in the attempt to make the song sound I don’t know, listenable?, is SO NOT NICE. But hilarious.

Our little Canadian boy. Not so little anymore just hope he is still a boy. Don’t know if he ever was one. Oh well. moving on.

I went to G’s wedding a while back.

It was sweet. Made me think that weddings aren’t just things where people do and say stuff cause they have to or cause its a socially accepted norm, but cause it truly means something, It’s like PDA at its biggest. Telling the world you love someone enough to marry them. But I think true love isn’t blind. It’s seeing all the faults and weird idiosyncrasies and ACCEPTING it. Bouncy hair and all:D.

Met up with 2 people who I havent smelt in years.

Yao, my racist friend. It was nice to talk to him. Felt like he’s changed a bit but changed for the better. More

insightful. aiyoh, he told me this

“You’ll always have a special place in my heart…in the darkest corner.”

I’m telling you this boy will marry a indian chick with pleated hair and all. THAT will be the day. HAHA.

This boy, I haven’t seen for a gazillion years. I remember how he asked me to join his band and then KICKED me out after like I think a few seconds. okok. Maybe a few months, whatever. But he’s damn nice always appeciated his honesty and like when you’re talking to him, y’know there’s depth to whatever he’s saying.

OHOH.

I just wanted to say that dancing with the blue man next to me yes, PHYO was the best ever. I danced with almost all the guys in the prom pageant thing and phyo was the best. He knew when to lead when to let you do your thing. He was just the perfect dance partner.Those who know me know I CANNOT DANCE TO SAVE MY LIFE. Absolutely cannot make it. and to make matters worse, he had to like support me for quite a few moves. I tell you, I have such respect for this man. I think one day he’ll make some burmese woman very happy. GO WATER POLO!!!:)

I know you can barely see faces but this is the only one I have with everyone. I miss my old church poeple quite a bit. Its just different going to a church for 16 years and then not. Realized I invested ALOT in quite a few of them. I shared like everything without holding back and it just somehow felt a little bit like home which is always nice. Even writing this now, I find it hard to substantiate why I left but all I know is I’m never going back. I know never say never. But this one’s for sure. each and everyone of them is so different but they all brought something to the table-some things I won’t forget.

This was nothing short of awesome. Just plain WOW. I think I loved it more cause I knew  the songs and the titles were like so interlinked into the whole musical. It was just so fun to discover small things and go OH! and laugh REALLY loudly. Even though you’re like 5 million seconds after the whole world. It was just really nice. And I adored the little singaporean touches they did now and then. I am rather proud y’know of our country and all that. Thanks to TEO Foundation. I love you gerald you know that arh.

starbucks.

Went out with leong today.

Had a fun time catching up AND STUDYING. Of course. Realize everytime I see her we have DAMN a lot of stuff to talk about. She ended up staying over cause her dad couldn’t come to fetch her. She makes me miss my css days. Things seemed to be so much simpler then, somehow. Oh well, leong is retarded to the max. But I’ll always love her hair so long. damnit.  She was freaking hilarious cause my parents were like complaining bout the lights and stuff, and she was SO frightened of daddy. Wanted to laugh my head off but she look so scared I didn’t dare. Then she kept hiding behind the doors so the light couldn’t shine into my parents room. Felt like I was in some vampire movie or something. HAHA:D.Oh well, thinking bout painting my room red but I read in some magazine that red makes someone angry.

Does it make YOU any angrier?

randomness.

 I think the letter “z” is WAY underused. Wonder what letter of the alphabet I’ll be. Overly used and cliched or special and rare, and worth DAMN alot of points at scrabble.  

Thanks to srij I came up with it a council slogan that doesn’t start with the words ” my hair might be short…. HAHA:D

Been thinking of joining the peace corp once again. or greenpeace. whatever. Just wish I had the courage to do it.

Getting pretty used to being in pj.

These are the people that make going to school all that more fun(stole this off hannah’s blog)

Kinda like blogging, gives me an outlet.

Home life is weird if you get what I mean, getting used to the change.

Y’know when a couple is dancing and some guy looks really good like all his moves are so precise and every single movement semms to flow along perfectly with the music? I wonder if the girl dancing with him realizes it. Will I? Wonder if that’s the way life is. a wise man once told me that when 2 people are together in a relationship everyone but those 2 people know perfectly whats going on. so who would I rather be the ones on the outside in the loop and in the know or the ones on the inside experiencing and feeling everything but being SO clueless.

Someone once said that these two lines from a song changed their life forever,

“My son i’ve got to say

You don’t have to fight to be a man”

How can someone base their lives on two lines of a song or a whole book even. Even its the most translated book in the world. It’s just not enough -for me at least.

Been listening to true vibe a lot more lately. I like their songs, they make me think.

Went out with this girl the other day. It was incredibly nice to catch up with her. it was supposed to be a studying session at starbucks, ended up being a chit-chat session at delifrance. Just feel real blessed to have such a close friend in pj. Nice to know that she’ll be there for me.

 ”What would have happened if I didn’t get to know you”

I remember I asked her this question that day, and I gues the most logical answer I can come up with is,

“I wouldn’t know how amazing strawberry tarts taste”

I realized watching tv doesn’t give me the same joy it used too. I used to LOVE watching tv, for hours at a time. Now, whenever I finish a programme I’ll get bored and move on to do something else.

I realize christian songs have a lot of ‘in-built’ promises.

I will…

I shall….

And all that, wonder how many of those “promises” I have actually kept… probably…. NONE.

I remember at sec 1 we had to compose a poem, and I penned “she”. It was my absolute fave ever. Can’t remember exactly what it was but it had something to do with being lost and afraid and alone. Irony is, if I were to write a poem right now, it’ll probably be about that too. Guess even though I’ve supposedly changed, I’m pretty much searching for the same things. weird. Is it really?

“There is more love than we can imagine

There is more grace then we’ll ever know”

Then where the heck is it.